U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
