If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
