Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize