im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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