So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
