It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
