ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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