last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
