Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize