Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize