I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
