Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
