I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
