Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
