i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
