1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
