You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
