non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize