the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
