I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
