You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
