I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
