I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
