Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
