I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize