I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
dude. I can hear the air.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
