Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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