Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
