Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
