He asked me if I "almost moaned"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
