Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
