new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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