and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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