IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
and you fell through a lawn chair
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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