shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize