Having a random hookup so left but love u
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
