i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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