nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
