About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
