So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize