who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
