So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
