im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
