3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
