Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
