what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
