I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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