As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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