I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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