Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
