Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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