my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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