put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
