If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
