and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
