maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
