Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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