When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize