no, he came in my armpit
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
