dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She told me I should be a condom model.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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