First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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