Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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