Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
