Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
