I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
The air taste purple.
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