I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
