i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Randomize
