Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
be right there i have to get my cape
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
