what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
