I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
