Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
