apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
