I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
