hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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