So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
